5 Essential Blue Animals For Your Street Gang
Grey likes to steal blue’s thunder quite ruthlessly when it comes to nature. It’s only been 600 million years since Darwin invented eyes; there wasn’t much need for colour before then. It was only when little shrimpy predators started swimming faster that colour began being used as a snack beacon.
Nature is pretty efficient. Standard. What we see as colour in plants and animals is due to different pigmentations. For example, Chlorophyll helps trap light in plants for photosynthesis and is also what makes them appear green. Wouldn’t it be great if our organs served us decoratively too? I might start wearing my intestines like a massive rope chain with my spleen hanging like a clock around my neck.
Blue works so well for L.A.’s most notorious street gang, the Crips so what’s nature’s beef with it?
This travesty of justice lies in the fact that the vast majority of animals are incapable of making blue pigment and not one vertebrate is known to make blue pigment at all! Things like blue eyes, peacock feathers and snake skin have developed some pretty swanky tricks. My technical understanding isn’t too hot when it comes to the fine details of science but as far as I can gather, this natural optical technology occurs prismatically. The combination of light, textures and other colours make things appear blue. Or something like that.
Science facts aside, there’s something unexplainably (or very explainable, as I’ve recently discovered) magical about naturally occurring blue stuff. Blue Smarties, Smurfs, Blueberries or that bloke from Kentucky who ate loads of silver and turned blue:
This list is based heavily on anthropomorphism and is solely my subjective opinion of cool looking beasties I’d recruit if I was setting-up an animal chapter of a Crip street gang.
First up is the Blue-Footed Booby.
Blue-Footed Booby
These dudes rock for a few reasons. Males strut their blue feet to attract females, they look pretty menacing and have the word booby in their name. Every crew needs swag and these mofos fit the bill (or beak) perfectly.
Hyacinth Macaw
Strong teams need strong talkers. Someone with the gift of the gab and enough street smarts to not necessarily need violence in a combat situation. Enter the Hyacinth Macaw. I reckon pirates were fully aware of the fact that talking birds are great for reconnaissance and relaying messages. Not only that, these smooth operators rep their gang colours to the full. G’d up from the feet up.
It’s pretty obvious why these cute but deadly jumpers would be valid members.
Blue Poison Dart Frog
Blue. Poison. Dart. Frog. Not only do they have deadly poison, their adorable looks lead the enemy into a false sense of security. They also live up to 5 or 6 years, adding wisdom that only comes with age.
Blue Marlin
This beast only really comes into play if the gang leaves the concrete jungle and embarks on a seafaring mission. The Blue Marlin has a pretty massive weapon (no euphemism intended). It uses its bill to stun, injure, or kill while knifing through a school of fish or other prey, then returns to eat the injured or stunned fish. Great if an enemy happens to fall into the sea. The Blue Marlin is considered an endangered species so the recruitment process had better begin pretty sharpish.
Maltese Tiger
I feel like a bit of a traitor to science by including the Maltese tiger on this list seeing as they’ve never been proven and there’s no such thing as a blue vertebrate but the idea of roaming the streets with a blue tiger is too irresistible. Who’s going to mess with that? They’ve been reportedly seen in South China and Korea. An extinct species of grey tiger maybe? The term ‘Maltese’ comes from domestic cat terminology for blue fur, which is really grey. Come on evolution give us more colours!
Someone’s Photoshopped some normal tigers blue. Why not?
So time to get recruiting. If only Noah had the foresight to collect two of every blue animal, maybe ol’ Goddy boy would have to evolve some new colours we can’t see yet. It would be much less of a challenge to find a great selection of blue animals to join my gang too, as they’d be everywhere!
