Reports have surfaced from late last night and first thing this morning of a twenty-something male from affluent parentage discovering the news. A local official said “this is just another yuppie kid with a nice new smart phone and news app who’s woken up to the fact that a whole world goes on beyond their own ambition.” Sources close to the victim described him as unable to tear himself away from his phone screen night and day, and occasionally sounding out with little cries of “there’s so much shit happening everywhere!”
“This is all completely normal”, said an expert, “I see kids like this suddenly realise that news happens on a daily basis – on a daily basis.” The young man himself was too engrossed in UK politics and world affairs to comment, but his parents responded, “We are so disappointed. We tried our best to raise him believing the whole world revolved around him and that nothing mattered other than what he wanted, and now all our hard work has been wasted. Our only hope is that he doesn’t decide to start voting.”
