The following pictures are great so I’m not going to try and add TOO much verbal guff to them. Basically I came across a bunch of photos from Russian cruises during the 70’s and 80’s and I smiled as I scrolled through them so I thought it best to pass the grin on.
Obviously some of the shots (all of them) are staged for the photographer and are probs to be used in marketing material. But that tells a tale in itself, what kinds of pictures would tempt a would-be Russian cruiser of the era?
This exact kind:
Eat all you can folks. Yes, that’s a house made out of cheese, what’s your problem?
Height of luxury…
What’s…. happening? Some kind of Thai themed restaurant with female Russian monks serving? I do not know.
Eye ball cakes and frog balls.
“Your red shirt matches the red flowers so wonderfully Doreen, let me pass you a plate of food with more red on it, just to make the most of the redness here.”
“This is no normal hairdryer, oh no sir… it shoots plastic bullets. The bullets are useful when the ship’s first mate gets out of hand late at night.”
“… and Margaret, don’t forget to mention that you use both orange and black hairbrushes will you?”
“Bouffant?”
“Don’t mind if I do”.
It’s all laughs and jokes now, but when that vodka kicks in Barbara tells Burt she’s been cheating on him because he’s too overbearing. Then it all turns a bit dark. She falls overboard carrying a head injury caused by a blunt instrument. She drowns. No one ever found out Burt was to blame. He played the mourning lover to a tee. No one suspected a thing. Burt now works in the Asda at Brighton marina. £5.57 an hour. Not bad really. He just stocks shelves and other menial tasks. So he still has the mental energy left at the end of the day to continue writing his memoirs.
More on next page…
Jack (on the left) was the world knobbly knees championship gold winner in 1978.
They’re laughing because they’re getting high off the carpet pattern.
“Just one more Rohypnol shake for the lady please squire.”
“You could have at least made the bed you lazy wench? I paid good money for this cruise and all you’ve done is moan and complain. I truly believed that this break might help us get over some of our problems and make amends, I feel like an idiot. You’re only smiling now because we’re leaving tomorrow. I hate you Mandy.”
“…you take the mickey out of my tash one more time son and I’ll flay you alive you pretentious yellow shirted buffoon.”
“Frig off Colin.”
“Room service?… yes, the drinks are fine… there’s a problem with the wig though…. I don’t know?… it just doesn’t seem to suit me? No the red coat is lovely, I’m very pleased with it I really am…. I know…. wonderful quality… yes, a great colour… the wig though… it’s awful…. well, yes, I would like at least a partial refund? I mean I’ve only…. yes…. I know I signed for it… I hadn’t had a chance to look in the mirror yet though… it’s kind of…. yes I know I signed the form………. yes…….. ok…. I guess but you did say….. uh huh….. not even a partial refund? Well I am a bit miffed…. yes… OK, so if I get it dry cleaned I can get a 20% refund? OK….. how much to dry clean it?…. FIFTY!? Well… that’s more than I paid… oh forget it, bring more drinks immediately.”
They don’t cruise like they used to.
